Are you having an emotional affair?
Are you having an emotional affair?
Emotional infidelity is the new kind of adultery. There’s no sex involved but it’s cheating nevertheless. Find out if you are guilty.
Ruhi spent 9-10 hours in office and it was natural for her to form a strong bond with Aakash, who worked with her on the same project. Slowly something that started off as friendly banter turned into a fling. The text messages kept flowing freely, the coffee dates became more frequent and she thought about him when they weren’t together. Sounds like a perfect office romance. But there was one glitch,Ruhi was married and she had been doing this secretively. At the end of the day she went back to her home and an unsuspecting husband.
Rachna K Singh, clinical psychologist, relationship counsellor and life coach at Artemis, Gurgaon, says, “This is how emotional infidelity starts. It is never planned. But it’s like a slippery slope. There’s no holding back once you start off.”
Affairs of the heart
So how does one define emotional infidelity? “An emotional affair is essentially an affair of the heart,” saysSheri Meyers, a marriage therapist and the author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship. “Unlike a platonic friendship, there's sexual chemistry between the two of you-and there's definitely some fantasies playing out in your head. If you send ‘missing you’ messages late in the night. Then you aren’t having an innocent affair,” she says. You may even share unflattering details about your relationship with this new person but not say a word about him to your partner. Singh says, “Anything that you hide from your partner because you feel guilty is infidelity”.
Can it be destructive?
In present times, it is difficult to pin point emotional infidelity.Often women do not know where to draw the line. Society today is open about a man and a woman being friends, going out for coffee and discussing problems. “This can’t be called cheating but there’s a very thin line between being friends and having an affair and people often cross it unaware,” says Singh.
The problem begins as all this attention on the new person drains energy from your primary relationship. Soon you would be fantasizing, having intimate talks and sharing things you should only be sharing with your primary partner. This kind of a relationship is emotional and thereby deeper than a one night stand.
Emotional infidelity is destructive but the scale of destruction depends on how your partner takes it. “Sex is still a taboo in the Indian society and many men wouldn’t ever forgive their partner for sleeping with someone else. At the same time there are some men who feel lust or raging hormones and one night stands is acceptable in a long term relationship but not emotional attachment with another person. They feel you have handed over their platform to another man.”
How do you know you have crossed the line?
Transition can happen gradually and that’s why you wouldn’t realise that you have transited from being friends to being emotionally attached.
Why does this happen?
“Having any sort of affair is usually a symptom of an underlying problem in your life and in your relationship," says Meyers. "Something is missing that makes you vulnerable to temptation."
Only after the weaknesses in your relationship is addressed "can you bring stable footing to your relationship and start infusing it with the love, attention, appreciation, and affection you and your partner both deserve," Meyers adds.
And if you're not willing to fix what's wrong in your existing problems, maybe it's time to re-evaluate your relationship status.
Singh explains that this sometimes may also happen because a monotony has set in or because your partner has been too busy to pay enough attention. It may not necessarily mean you want to end your primary relationship.
Signs that you’ve fallen into the trap
• You share a lot of information with this person. In fact, you end up telling him things that you wouldn’t discuss with your partner.
• You make efforts to dress up for this person.
• You spend a lot of time with him. You try to find ways to be with him.
• Younever tell your partner about this guy. His closness to you is a closely guarded secret.
• You start to dependon this person more than you do on your partner.
Plan of Action
It's fine to maintain some privacy and forge new friendships while in a relationship. However, you need to set boundaries for the new relationship and maintain transparency with your partner.Your partner needs to know that you are friendly with this guy. Keep him in the loop when you meet this guy outside work.
Meyers says, "Just be sure you’re not taking attention away from the closeness you should be nurturing at home."
It is also important to be honest and ask yourself if you are happy in your relationship and if you are willing to invest in it or if you are waiting for such emotional affairs to finally end it. This will give you a clear perspective of what you want.
Source By :- Femina